Matt Cutts Hates Hookers

DISCLAIMER FOR MY WIFE AND FAMILY – I do not condone prostitution, the buying or selling hookers or even thinking about hookers. Secondly, to everyone else, this is fiction and did NOT happen. This post is merely a metaphor to make a point…and maybe get some free link lovin?

The sexy seductress was named I knew she was going to be hot when I first saw her. She had spurned my advances for far too long. I mean, my content and her were meant to be together. We fit, and she could do so oh much for waining linkjuice libido.

Across the screen, I saw the dirty pimp webmaster with the pimply face and the somewhat cocky grin that accompanies those in academia who are little bit dirty.

"You want my sexy .edu to pay attention to you, well then you can pay me." he said. "All I’ll promise is that she’ll pay attention to you. I can’t promise you any link love. We don’t any of those Cuttlets getting wise to us. So all I promise is attention. Anything further will be at the lady’s discretion"

I knew the routine. Put the money on the proverbial counter and I would get my link love. It was all but assured. This whole "she’ll take a look at you" thing was just a front. After all, isn’t all link love bought or sold with some sort of currency? It ain’t like it’s some sort of academic citing program.

But someone was looking in on us. I could have sworn I heard a form submit button being pressed over at Google Webmaster tools central. It wasn’t long before Cutts and his boys were all in my business, cutting off my link love from the sexy .edu and even taking my own reputation down.

I was caught by Cutts. I guess I can’t complain because I knew the rules, but the lure of link love and the fact that it was a pretty much victimless crime made me do it. I mean, why do all the sexy websites that look good and have tons of money need to get all the link love. I’ve got quality content and NEEDS! Two consenting adult Websites should be able to do whatever they want to in the privacy of their own domains without having to worry if Crafty Cutts is going to rain on their parade or force  them to use protection like a nofollow attribute.

So I’m busted, ashamed and down two points in PR rank. My wife  wants to leave me and I can’t get busted. Would I do it again? For that sexy .edu, anytime. In the meantime, I’ll pick up the shattered remains of my link-john self and wallow in self-pity.

I guess there isn’t some link reform prison where I can go and learn how to play by the rules. So I’ll just continue on in my ways, and buy the link love until I get caught again!

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